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2018 Power Rankings-Season Finale
Introduction We should have all seen it coming. The "stats" were all there. Every team who has ever won a Glory Bowl has defeated either Nate or Commish in the playoffs to get there (except in 2014). Sweet Dee defeated Commish in the semifinals. Every Shotti-backed team has won a Glory Bowl. Shotti favored Sweet Dee. And finally, the Fantasy Gods are cruel and vengeful. Pain Train reached out, publicly no less, for start/sit advice on Twitter. Obviously that was doomed to failed him. And Pain Train was the only manager to not show at the 2018 Honor's Night. He was cursed. The Honors Night Curse is real and it has been laid upon Pain Train. Add it to the list. Sweet Dee, meanwhile, earned it by making the balliest start of the season: CJ Anderson. The fate of the season resting on a guy who was picked up off the streets a week earlier. A guy who had to replace THE fantasy stud of the last two seasons in Todd Gurley. That's on top of already starting Damien Williams, a guy who no one had heard of a month ago. Hell of a 1-2 punch at RB... But it worked. LOC Honors Night So Honors Night was a big success. Thanks to everyone who came out and subsequently wasn't cursed for all eternity. We held it at a pool hall and played a total of five games of pool, so obviously our priorities were elsewhere. I can't blame Nate, he got caught up in eighteen holes of golf with my dad. And I think Chantel was drinking her saddness away that she was about to lose to Chris because Todd Gurley and JuJu were both questionable at that point (LOL, hindsight am I right?). The following awards were given out: * 2018 Comeback Manager of the Year - Sweet Dee (hard to argue with this one) * 2018 Keeper of the Year - Sweet Dee (Andrew Luck) * 2018 Manager of the Year - Commish (zero trophies still) * 2018 Michael Thomas Steal of the Draft Award - Browns4You (Adrian Peterson) * 2018 Game of the Year - Browns4You (The Death of a Dynasty) * 2018 Alexis Texas "I Got Fucked" Award - RIPDab * 2018 Forgetting Sarah Marshall "Do Less" Award - Paddock 9 * 2018 Inconsistency Award - Papa's Posse * 2018 Participation Trophy - Bell of da Ball * 2018 Tank of the Year - ma ma momma said * 2018 Villain of the Year - Pain Train (VACATED DUE TO VILLAINOUS BEHAVIOR, AWARDED TO The Shotti Bunch) We also made some big time decisions concerning next year, but I'd had a few drinks and do not remember most of them. Here is what I do remember: Free Agent Keepers will be worth a 7th round pick starting next season (meaning anyone picked up in 2019 will be worth a 7th in the 2020 draft). No third keeper will be added, much to my dismay. In lieu of the buy-in increasing next season, the league has decided that the last place person will instead be punished by having to do something for the winner. I liked the idea of buying a jersey for the winner, with the winner getting to choose any player on their roster. I'd like to float one out there: maybe the loser should pay for the trophy for the winner? That way the Commish doesn't have to do it like he does every year? I mean just throwing that out there. LXC I have a big announcement concerning LXC. I am commissioner of both LXC and LOC. That is not changing. HOWEVAH, I have decided to nominate Bell of da Ball owner and 2018 LXC Champion Butt Buttington as the President of the LXC. I think he has a really good grasp of dynasty stuff and he had some great ideas about how to run the next few years, including how the draft should work and what kind of modifications there will be to the roster. Butt, if you are reading this, you are the President. You're in control now. I'll add you as an additional league manager when I get the chance. Patriots Game You fucks. Every year we go to the Patriots game, now it's here and everyone is acting like they didn't know 370 days ago that it was happening. I'm still going. Pat is still going. We're here. We're banging on the door. I'm disappointed in Nate, especially, who straight up said he didn't want to go because it's too cold and not as comfortable as his couch. For shame. Scoring and Free Agent Reform is NOT HAPPENING One of the points that was brought up at Honors Night was the free agent situation in this league. It's no secret that LOC is run differently than every other league. We have no waiver wire. We also score about 100% more than the average league. I was open to switching around the FA situation. It doesn't help that the person who voiced the loudest opinion about this change was absent from the meeting, but I digress. It was unanimous that the unique scoring and FA settings help make this league different, and considering how competitive the league was this year I am in agreement with the majority that nothing should change in 2019. Therefore it shall not. Sorry to Chris, whose busiest work day is Sunday. But you making the Glory Bowl sort of invalidates your argument. The Keeper Situation Keeper rules are same as last year. Anyone drafted after the 2nd round is eligible, but costs you a round higher (9th round pick costs an 8th). Free Agents cost a 6th. Player must be currently on your roster. If you do not have that pick (because of trades or other) it costs the next available pick (if you have no 6th, the cost is then a 7th). Tiebreaker keepers (ex. two free agents, both costing a 6th) will be determined by Yahoo ADP (higher ADP player will cost the 6th, lower the 7th). Max two keepers. I know some people think it's BS that if you trade a pick the keeper drops back. I can understand that it frustrated people that Michael Thomas is still somehow a 16 for me. Some people think that trading the pick means it should cost a pick higher. Others think a keeper should only be eligible for two years and then go back into the open market. Honestly, I have the nastiest keeper situation and I haven't won shit yet. So I don't see these rules being an unfair advantage so far. Moving on. The Pat Curse Rule of 2018, which stated that any player drafted in the first 2 rounds who suffers a season ending injury within the first four weeks is eligible as a keeper, still is in effect. Despite no player suffering a season-ender in the first two rounds in the first four weeks, I have decided to allow LeVeon Bell to be eligible as a keeper for Bell of Da Ball. I don't think it helps him much because I don't think Bell is worth a top-4 pick, but I'm allowing it if he so chooses. The Five-Time Champ Without further adieu, let's get down to business and introduce the reigning LOC Champion.... ME! That's right, for the fifth year in a row GBM has won the League of Champions Fantasy Pick 'Em Competition. This year the battle was tougher than ever, but I'm happy to have come out on top. Let's take a look at the all time standings. Wow, total dominance by GBM ever since 2014. Back to back to back to back to back. King Kong ain't got shit on me. At least Nate showed up this year. Glory Bowl Recap As bitter as I am that I didn't win, I am ecstatic that Sweet Dee won the Glory Bowl. I mean, this team has been the butt of every joke for the last six years. Now we can look at their track record and call them one of the most dominant playoff teams ever. I mean seriously, they have the third best Festival of Champions main bracket record in the entire league...all-time! As far as the Glory Bowl itself, the highlight was probably the stuff going on behind the scenes. I spent the day with soon-to-be champion Chantel and her ability to drink heavily and also be on top of her fantasy lineup was astonishing. For reference, I had Todd Gurley in a championship game and didn't think to bench him even though I was literally watching Sweet Dee freak out about needing to bench him. That was my level of intoxication. Meanwhile, Pain Train was texting me "I'm going to lose the championship game because of fucking Josh Allen," a sentence I never thought I'd see pop up on my phone. But there we were. And guess what, I'd started Josh Allen in the league that I forgot to bench Todd Gurley so I was literally the worst part of both Glory Bowl teams in that moment (ended up winning that championship game BTW, sup Patrick?). Quickly going from position to position: * QB: So I think the logic was sound on Josh Allen over Cousins. The numbers didn't end up backing it up but I respect the decision. Well, I would have respected the decision if he'd made it on his own. Andrew Luck was the surefire winner there. * RB: What are the chances that Todd Gurley has two 70-point performances in consecutive weeks in consecutive seasons? Apparently 0% because he didn't even play. So Chantel couldn't rely on the ol' Shotti Bunch tactic of having one guy score half the team's points. She had to put together a ragtag team of...wait...Sorry, my producer is telling me that CJ Anderson basically did exactly what Todd Gurley did last season. Great job, Chan! Took the Shotti blueprint of success and just ran with it. Her two backs combined for 80 points and outplayed Mixon and McCaffrey. While Pain Train took a risk with Ballage, it didn't pan out. And Jordan Howard played well but not lights out. * WR: Sweet Dee's bread and butter. We can now say confidently that Dee got the better end of the bargain with Mixon and Hopkins. Mixon: 17.05. Hopkins: 26.80. When it mattered most. Add in that JuJu played and played his heart out after posting a great message on twitter about being there for his fantasy owners. Larry Fitz put up 20, his second best game of the season, in his final game at home in Arizona. Pain Train had a good day at WR too, with Shepard balling out in ODB's absence. He also got a game from Adams and Jeffrey beat his projection, albeit narrowly. * TE: The advantage here belonged to Pain Train, but Kelce was held in check and only ended up outscoring McDonald by 1.90 points. * K: Decent battle at kicker. 15-14 in favor of Pain Train. Crosby and Tucker are two of the best in the game. It's a shame this position means so little. They outscored the Tight Ends. * DEF: Pain Train once again had the advantage, by sticking with MINN defense while Chantel paired her QB with IND D to mixed results. Glory Bowl Championship (2011-Present) Pain Train now owns the 1st and 2nd highest scores ever by losing teams in the Glory Bowl...yay? He joins ma ma momma said as the only other team with multiple Glory Bowl losses. He becomes the first team to lose multiple Glory Bowls without a single win. Sweet Dee scores the 3rd highest point total in the Glory Bowl. All-Time Franchise Playoff Records Updated through 1/1/19. Sweet Dee is now 3rd on the all-time playoff performance list with a 3-1 record, behind only Shotti (11-2) and MMMS (6-3). When factoring in 3rd and 5th place game performances, Dee ranks 1st in win % (0.800), even ahead of 11-4 Shotti (0.733). Glory Bowl Appearances by Team Come on, Pat. Get it together. Glory Bowl Margins of Victory The 2018 Salty Dolphin Bowl Victory!!!!!!!!! GBM becomes the 6th team to reach 60 combined wins in finally getting over the hump and winning the Salty Dolphin Bowl for the first time in four consecutive appearances. The team did become the first team to reach 4,000 points against in the playoffs. The 2018 Million Dollar Game Only four teams have won the Million Dollar Game and they’ve all won twice. This time it was Bell of da Ball's turn to defend their 2012 Million Dollar Game win. In doing so, they sort of become the first team to win the game in back-to-back seasons, even though there happened to be five seasons between those two seasons. They've now finished 9th twice and finally notched their 10th combined win with their week sixteen triumph. Momma, meanwhile, is really in a tough spot. It's the third Million Dollar Game loss for MMMS, the most last place finishes in league history. Mmms is now 1-7 in the consolation tournament. The 2017 Heart and Soul Bowl Same shit, different year. RIPDab becomes the 5th team to reach 60 combined losses. RIPDab becomes the first team to lose 12 times to another team (The Shotti Bunch). That includes an incredible 0-5 in the postseason now that they have suffered a brutal Heart and Soul Bowl defeat. For those keeping score at home, that's semifinals, semifinals, Glory Bowl, Heart and Soul Bowl in the last four seasons for RIP and Shotti. The Heart and Soul Bowl is the most hotly contested game of the year. Seven different teams have won in the eight seasons of the LoC, the most turnover out of all Bowl Games. The Heart and Soul Bowl (2011-Present) *Currently named PainTrain WOO WOO **Currently named Papa's Posse ^ Currently named Paddock 9 ^^ Currently named Sweet Dee ~ Currently named Garoppoblow Me Heart and Soul Bowl Appearances by Team Draft Order Selections by Year Seasons with At Least One Postseason Victory (Playoffs/Consolation Games Combined) Updated Through 2018 Top Three Finishes by Team (Through 2018) The Future is NOT Written The projections weren't as far off as they usually are. RIPDab beat their 2-11 projection, but only by one win. GBM was spot on. Updated Through 2018 List of Finishes by year All-Time Postseason Records (Festival/Consolation Games Combined) Below are the win/loss records for every team for every postseason game. This combines Festival main bracket, Consolation bracket, and all consolation games (including Bowl Week games). It does not discriminate between Glory Bowl wins and Million Dollar Game wins. Therefore, the records should be taken with a grain of salt. Updated through 1/1/19 Parity Chart As I do every year, here is the parity chart. The team on the left beat the team on the right. It’s not as neat as a circle would be but what this basically says is any team is capable of beating any team on any given Sunday. RIPDab>ma ma momma said ma ma momma said>Paddock 9 Paddock 9>Garoppoblow Me Garoppoblow Me>Sweet Dee Sweet Dee>Browns4You Browns4You>The Shotti Bunch The Shotti Bunch>Pain Train WOO WOO Pain Train WOO WOO>Bell of Da Ball Bell of Da Ball>RIPDab Draft Analysis I don't know if people enjoyed this about the last two season's final writeups so I am bringing it back just to spite anyone who didn't like it. It's the Draft retrospective! Round 1 * Best Pick: DeAndre Hopkins - 8th (Pain Train WOO WOO) Maybe a bit of an unexpected analysis here, but I truly believe that Hopkins was the better pick. The fact that both he and Gurley, who many consider the best pick, ended up on the same team is a bonus. Hopkins might have put up slightly fewer numbers than Gurley, but he made up for it by performing well in the playoffs while Gurley rehabbed an injury. * Worst Pick: Le'Veon Bell - 2nd (Bell of da ball) WRITE There is always one player who ends up a complete dud, but this Bell situation takes the cake as the worst first round pick in the history of fantasy football. Round 2 * Best Pick: Christian McCaffrey - 13th (Pain Train WOO WOO) What a great start to the draft for Pain Train. Mike Evans was also a good 2nd round pick, and obviously Tyreek Hill is a freak. * Worst Pick: Rob Gronkowski - 16th (Browns4You) I remember someone texting me asking why I didn't pick Gronk in the 2nd round. Well, now you know why. Alongside Gronk, we had duds like P9's Freeman, Sweet Dee's Fitzgerald, and Shotti's AJ Green. Round 3 * Best Pick: Keenan Allen - 26th (Paddock 9) A weak round with Allen a clear standout, while Travis Kelce smashed TE records all season but underperformed in the postseason. * Worst Pick: Demaryius Thomas - 29th (RIPDab) The trade to Philly doomed Tate to a mediocre fantasy season, and mediocrity defines most players in this round. But Demaryius Thomas was far out-shined by Emmanuel Sanders and his trade ended an already average season Round 4 * Best Pick: Lamar Miller - 37th (Papa's Posse) Mark Ingram ended up doing okay for himself, and you cannot discount what Amari Cooper did after being traded. But as far as season-long consistancy, Lamar Miller was the guy. * Worst Pick: Chris Hogan - 31st (The Shotti Bunch) The hype surrounding Hogan was that he would be Edelman and Amendola combined to start the season. But it turns out there is a reason he plays second fiddle to the other short scrappy white guys on the team. Round 5 * Best Pick: Emmanuel Sanders - 47th (Garoppoblow Me) Until he went down with an injury, Sanders played the part of a WR1 and was a flex player for GBM. This team was deep. * Worst Pick: Marshawn Lynch - 49th (RIPDab) Not as bad as JarJar taking Eddie Lacy in this round the year before, but the aging out of shape RB taken in the 5th trend continues. Round 6 * Best Pick: JuJu Smith-Schuster - 60th (Sweet Dee) As always, the 6th round is packed with talent since it is the keeper round. Davante Adams, Stefon Diggs, Zach Ertz, and even Drew Brees. Great picks. But JuJu was outstanding this year. * Worst Pick: Greg Olsen - 58th (ma ma momma said) One of those players that is really talented but purely undraftable. Round 7 * Best Pick: Alvin Kamara - 67th (Garoppoblow Me) Tough choice here because Adam Thielen and Tarik Cohen were also great for their respective teams, and Cohen was a pure pick (not a keeper). But Kamara had fantastic numbers for this round and is proving to be the real deal. * Worst Pick: Jerick McKinnon - 68th (Pain Train WOO WOO) Ma ma momma said almost bombed this round for the second year in a row, but balancing Crowder with Robert Woods took him out of the equation. Instead, it's keeper Jerick McKinnon who takes the cake for worst pick. He didn't take a snap in 2018. Funchess an honorable mention. Round 8 * Best Pick: Melvin Gordon III - 71st (The Shotti Bunch) Josh Gordon was an okay pick but a tumultuous start and end to the year sort of invalidated him as the best of the round. * Worst Pick: Delanie Walker - 72nd (Garoppoblow Me) Out in the opening game, Walker's injury opened the door for star Eric Ebron but really hurt GBM in the short-term. Other duds in this round include Will Fuller, Robby Anderson, and Michael Crabtree. Round 9 * Best Pick: Sony Michel - 83rd (Browns4You) A classic case of needing to wait on him a few extra weeks, but time was of the essence so Browns4you offloaded a great RB talent and potential heir to the keeper throne now that Kareem Hunt is gone. * Worst Pick: Pierre Garcon - 81st (Sweet Dee) She makes up for it a round later. Round 10 * Best Pick: Tyler Lockett - 100th (Sweet Dee) Great find for Sweet Dee deep into this draft. * Worst Pick: Ronald Jones II - 98th (ma ma momma said) Not great. Round 11 * Best Pick: James White - 105th (Browns4You) Just an unreal bad round of drafting. The only other good pick in this round was Minnesota Defense. * Worst Pick: Tyler Eifert - 109th (Pain Train WOO WOO) Listen to the rest of this round: Bilal Powell, Kelvin Benjamin, Matt Stafford, OJ Howard, Cobb, Gostkowski and Cam Meredith. Round 12 * Best Pick: George Kittle - 118th (ma ma momma said) Coached by the same guy who helped mold Tony Gonzalez, George Kittle has become a top-3 TE in this league and broke all kinds of SF receiving records with back up QBs. This was so tough because Patrick Mahomes was also taken in this round and he is the league MVP. But, I think that Mahomes was a bad pick here because everyone else already had QBs. P9 should have waited on him. * Worst Pick: CJ Anderson - 119th (Bell of da ball) The Glory Bowl hero was actually the worst pick in this round, mainly because the guy spent all year without an NFL team. Round 13 * Best Pick: Tevin Coleman - 128th (RIPDab) Hard to argue that RIPDab was right in taking Coleman late instead of Cohen early, but with Freeman out Coleman stepped into the lead back role. I think we learned that he isn't a lead back, but he got the volume. This is the 2nd year in a row Coleman was taken by RIPDab in the exact same spot (128th). * Worst Pick: Keelan Cole - 122nd (Bell of da ball) YEESH. Round 14 * Best Pick: Adrian Peterson - 136th (Browns4You) It was only a few years ago that AD was going 1st overall in this league. Now he's an okay value at 136. Times do change. * Worst Pick: Martavis Bryant - 140th (Sweet Dee) Better off taking a defense. Round 15 * Best pick: Andrew Luck - 141st (Sweet Dee) After one of her worst picks, her absolute best pick. * Worst Pick: Dez Bryant - 147th (Pain Train WOO WOO) It almost happened in New Orleans. Round 16 * Best Pick: Michael Thomas - 154th (Garoppoblow Me) Duh. * Worst Pick: Derrius Guice - 156th (Browns4You) Devontae Booker would have been the worst pick but Bell was able to parlay that into James Conner. Best Draft - Sweet Dee The foundation for Sweet Dee's title run didn't come in free agency, it came in the draft. Gurley, JuJu, Luck, and Lockett. With her 21st pick, Dee was able to take Joe Mixon and trade up to grab DeAndre Hopkins. She might have missed early on guys like Larry Fitz (20th), but she hit on her 100th and 141st picks, so her risks paid off. Worst Draft - Bell of da Ball It wasn't just the lack of keepers. Ball missed on all his risky picks. From Bell in the first, to Ivory and Booker at the end. And most things in between. Aging stars like McCoy and Rudolph just couldn't muster up another good fantasy season. And while TY and Kelce were great 2nd and 3rd round pick ups, there isn't much else of substance to say that this roster was even remotely capable of a championship run. Final standings by year sorted by draft order. Point totals drafted in the first round 2018 Draft Order # The Shotti Bunch/RIPDab/Bell of Da Ball/ma ma momma said # RIPDab/Bell of Da Ball/ma ma momma said/The Shotti Bunch # Bell of Da Ball/ma ma momma said/The Shotti Bunch/RIPDab # ma ma momma said/The Shotti Bunch/RIPDab/Bell of Da Ball # Papa's Posse # Browns4You # Paddock 9 # Garoppoblow Me # Pain Train WOO WOO # Sweet Dee 2018 Rivalries to Watch Conclusion Eight seasons in the rearview mirror. Five different champions. I'm happy with that number. But I'll be even happier if we get to nine seasons with six different champions. The parity in this league is unmatched. Teams like Sweet Dee can come out of no where and take the crown. Any team, any season. Next year, who knows? It could be one of the three powerhouses that fell short this year (Paddock 9, Pain Train, Garoppoblow Me). It could be the new guy, fresh off an LXC championship (Ball). It could be some of the old guard, the three former champions who have since fallen from greatness (Papa, Browns4You, MMMS). Or will it be one of the two longtime rivals, Shotti and RIPDab, returning to the Glory Bowl for yet another showdown?